McDonalds to launch new campaign

The McDonalds Coorperation as a whole has been growing exponentially ever since day one, there were never any big changes in the way the business was run until now. In recent months McDonalds Executives have been baffled over the loss of sales in some regions inside large cities even though that is where McDonalds yields the most profit. After contracting the Andex Researching Group (Stock Ticker: ARG) the reason was soon uncovered. What they discovered will boggle your mind.

At a recent press conference McDonalds shared its findings which show areas that have had a decline in sales were linked to the beliefs of the people which inhabit that specific region. In response to this, McDonalds is introducing new menus to many of these areas, and it already has investors expecting a massive jump in stock prices.

In one case in New York City; Declines in sales were experienced in neighborhoods with a primarily "Goth" residence. Goths are individuals who favor black clothing and often wear make-up, gender issues tossed aside, to prove that Satan is their master. The report shows that the Goths are feeling upset about having something named a "Happy Meal" with their dreary outlook on life. To combat this, McDonalds is prepared to introduce a "Gloomy Meal" made specifically to appease the young Goth children in training.

One of the first restaurants in the chain to be affected is the McDonalds of the St. Marks area in downtown Manhattan, a primarily Goth nieghborhood. The first thing you will notice is the name change from McDonalds to "Mcdonalds of Hopelessness." Menu name changes are also abound, in addition to the "Gloomy Meal" expect to see "McChicken Sandwich of Doom," "Big Mac of Disaster," "Quarter Pounder of Spite," "French Fries of Sorrow," and "Milkshake of Fear." Part of St. Marks McDonalds Ad Campaign

Another area to be affect is the downtown area of Los Angeles where gang related crimes is at an all-time high. Although no drastic name changes in the menu will be in effect, new prizes and offers will be available. Happy Meals will now include such prizes as a fully-loaded semi-automatic handgun, a bullet-proof vest, a red bandana to show that you are affiliated with the "Bloods" Gang or a yellow bandana to show that you are affiliated with the "Daisy Picking" Gang. LA's McDonalds Ad Campaign

In light of recent events the McDonalds Coorperation released the following statement "We feel this is the first step to World Harmony, to let everyone know that McDonalds is their friend."