How to become a Power Ranger
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The cultural phenomenon that lasted for several decades in Japan is well on its way to becoming a staple in American pop culture as well. The Power Rangers first aired in 1993 with its original spin on the Super Sentai series “Kyoryuu Sentai ZyuRanger” which aired in Japan a year earlier. While the storylines between the two incarnations varied greatly, the American version featuring five high school students summoned to fight the forces of evil and the Japanese version featuring five of the greatest warriors in the ancient kingdoms who were brought back from suspended animation to fight the forces of evil, one key theme emerged; You wanted to be them.

Look no further my dear friends, if you long for the days of high-flying jump kicks and becoming the savior of the world then this is the website for you. Today I will be revealing how anyone, even you, can become a Power Ranger!

Step 1: Be part of a multicultural co-ed group of at least 5 friends.

Screw Dinothunder and Ninja Storm the only series with a Power Ranger membership comprised of less than 5 members. If you want to have a shot at becoming the next saviors of your world you have to be prepared to fill the prerequisites of having a really flamboyant group of friends. We’re all a little inherently racist so having a close-knit multiethnic group of friends is more difficult than you think. If you’re white, most of your friends will be white. When was the last time you hung out with a black, an asian, three white people with different hair colors with at least 2 from that group being girls?

Some of the elements within your group must consist of the following; Hot Girl, Ugly Girl who looks kind of acceptable when given enough make-up, Comedy Relief, Rebel, Nerd, and Stuck-up Alpha Male.

Exception: No Hispanics, Jews, or gays.

Thank god! Hispanics and Jews have no place within the Power Ranger hierarchy. Hispanics, typically portrayed in shows as overly ghetto wife-beater wearing low-lives, just get no love in the Power Ranger universe. It’s a good thing too as a majority of them are unreliable look-you-right-in-the-face-while-lying little pricks. Don’t get me started about Jews, the greedy bastards, who would probably spend half the episode negotiating a fair price for compensation in their role of saving the world. Work for free? Forget it you shmuck, I won’t get out of bed for anything less than $30 an hour. Don’t even think you’re going to see a homosexual in the Power Rangers anytime soon. While getting butt-fucked doesn’t sound like fun, it’s not exactly a world-saving procedure.

Step 2: Have an inherent fascination with one color.

If you really like the color red, and all your friends happen to like different colors, you group is perfect for the next group of Power Rangers! One of the most important aspects of becoming the savior of the universe is you really have to like only one color and promise to wear it almost all the time. After all it would simply be too silly for a Blue Ranger to really like to wear the color Red. Your mindless devotion to your color must be established in nearly all aspects of your wardrobe and your life. Shirts, shoes, backpacks, bed sheets, hats, lampshades, rectal thermometers, and condoms must all be in the color of your desired suit. You can own blue jeans though, you are allowed that, it’s perfectly acceptable.

Exceptions: The Color Purple.

If you like the color purple, you’re just a fucking queer, and so you can’t be a Power Ranger. I could have made a pop-culture reference to Brokeback Mountain but I didn’t.

Step 3: Take some vague interest in a sport.

Nearly everyone needs to display some kind of vague interest in a sport. Your interest in a sport will be the Deus ex machina which explains how you can pick up your black-belt level taijutsu skills so readily. After all if you can make a jump shot, why wouldn’t you be able to make a jump kick?

While some characters throughout the series display a very clear preference for some sports, like the Pink Ranger and gymnastics in the original US Series or the soccer playing Red Ranger from Dinothunder, it never really played a huge role in many of the other seasons. Be wary though, if you are known to play a sport religiously, be expected to base your fighting moves off the sport you play. If you play hockey, be sure to yell some inane shit about hat-tricks and goals while you’re fighting off your enemies, all your teammates will find you super-fucking clever.

Exceptions: Bowling.

It’s bowling.

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