The Top 11 Japanophile Pick-up Lines

I guess this is our fault. You took our top 20 worst pick-up lines as gospel and now you're wanted in four prefectures across Japan for harassing countless women in bath houses for doing your submarine tenticle penis pick up line. We take the blame for that. We apologize.

But that was months ago. Good thing Japanese porn has kept you busy since then, but now we think you're ready to go out there again. So break up with that internet girlfriend you have never met, and stop masturbating to your Rei Ayanami doll for just a second, the new and not very improved top 11 pick-up lines that’s going to be your first step to actually socializing with real women.

FACE TO FACE!

WITHOUT HAVING TO PAY!

That’s right boys and boys pretending to be girls, it’s all here and it’s all for you. It’s going to make you the biggest pimp on the EAST SIIIIII-DE. Why 11? It was too difficult to come up with 20, so I just stopped at 11. Big deal, you wanna fight about it?

11. If you were a geisha, I'd spend all my $2.53 on you.

Why’s it work?
Well the subtle implication that your target of affection has the grace of a Geisha will delight her. Second, your cost-cutting measures and spend-thrifty-ness will show that you deal with money well and might very well be an accountant or a Jew!

10. Wanna drive my Initial D?

Why’s it work?
Using the phrase “Wanna” as opposed to “Want to” shows that you are still hip with new slang and can use the socially positive jargon effectively. Showing your knowledge of Initial D, a popular Japanese Manga, will also show her that you appreciate and understand her culture. Try to throw in “Me gusta not Baka’s. Je T’aime Gong Hay Fat Choy, Volkswagon!” to show off your knowledge of international languages!

9. Excuse me do roofies work in sake too? Can I buy you a drink?

Why’s it work?
Japanese girls won’t know what Rohypnol, otherwise known on the street as “Roofies,” are so feel free to use it on them. There isn’t a girl around the world that doesn’t like being taken advantage of. The only ill side-effects are out-right SEXINESS.

8. Have I seen you before? You look like this girl in my favorite hentai, "Samurai Pie".

Why’s it work?
Samurai Pie, a critically acclaimed pornographic masterpiece starring Asia Carrera, will show the girl you have good taste in the naked female form. To get the relationship moving along, we would recommend whipping out your shlong almost immediately and slap the side of her ass with the tip of your penis. This commong sign of affection amongst Japanese families means the same thing as “I love you so much, let’s have a meaningful relationship with each other.”

7. You should come over to my place so we can make Mr. Children.

Why’s it work?
Mr. Children is a national hero to many Japanese Music enthusiasts. Your knowledge of their pop-culture will get her into an instant state of arousal which may or may not be directly related with the amount of Axe Body Spray you’ve decided to spray on your balls.

WARNING: Spraying Axe Body Spray on your balls will leave a slight numbness or burning sensation. I know this from personal experience. Please use with caution!

6. (While naked) Excuse me, I've seemed to have lost my kimono. Can I have yours?

Why’s it work?
It is common for the average Japanese woman to carry around an extra Kimono for just such an occasion. This “spare” Kimono is known as the “Hemono” and is used to cover any foreign naked men that might appear before them. Be careful not to accept the “Homono” as it is likely covered in semen and is often used to wipe off after a long Bukkake Party (Also known as: Protein Party.)

5. (For Rorikon) Hey little girl... like Pocky?

Why’s it work?
What 13-year old Japanese Schoolgirl CAN’T turn down an offer of free Pocky? Warn them soon afterwards that you have a special deluxe Pocky filled with cream! Yum! I remember the local priest giving me those, those things are delicious!

4. I bet you taste like hot wasabi.

Why’s it work?
Wasabi is Japan’s national fruit. Nary a day passes where a native Japanese can’t remember their days in the field picking at the wild Wasabi’s! Using the Wasabi, you will invoke a pleasurable feeling of nostalgia, brightening your chance to get them in the sack!

3. Excuse me, is that your samurai sword or are you just happy to see me?

Why’s it work?
You want a girl with a penis. I guess?

2. So do you come to Shibuya often? Because I've been following you since Harajuku and I've never seen you before except the time I watched you for 2 hours while you were shopping in Ginza and let me tell that Louis Vuitton purse didn't match...

Why’s it work?
Japanese girls put a lot of pride into the designer bags and fashions they so proudly sport, so they will view a man as taking an effort to understand their fashion as a plus. Following them for 2 hours will also prove that you have devotion and the patients to make a meaningful relationship work. They know they can count on you for honest fashion tips!

1. Excuse me but are you missing a pair of pink lace panties? Because I happen to be wearing them.

Why’s it work?
They have to get back their panties, what better way to get it back than to have sex with you? Right? Right?