The Top Ten Japanese Things We Hope to Never See but Probably Will
Part 1 of 3
Easily one of the most terrifying things about Japanese Entertainment is the unpredictability of the entire system. In America, there are so many people with so many varied interests that everyone’s taste no matter how unique can be satiated by a small company or a small group of musicians dedicated to filling that niche. Niche in America, ironically, is big business.
In Japan though, and gaijin who live there would agree, there is a hive mind mentality to everyday Japan life. Oh, if you’re one of those fucking assholes who catches Doramas, Anime, Manga, or whatever other fucking entertainment-oriented thing and are about to complain with me that Japan is totally super exciting unique and nothing can ever touch it, go jump in a river and die. You seriously don’t know anything, let’s just leave it at that.
Every gimmick to hit the airwaves on shows hosted by Japans 10 hosts (you see, over in Japan there are literally only 10 television hosts which get mixed and matched and shuffled around in a vain attempt to create a “fresh” new show) catch like wildfire. The only thing Japan lacks at the moment is the ingenuity of the classic American entrepreneur, until now.
Why am I here? As the title suggests I am here to present to you, our loyal viewer, The Top Ten Japanese Things We Hope to Never See but Probably Will. The following items, of course, do not yet exist but we feel are bound to exist sometime into the future. One of our predications at the time of this article being partially wrote but never published, actually has already occurred in a sense. Can you guess which one?
Let’s get one thing out of the way. That thing is a big thing, and big disgusting thing.
The first item on our list.
#10. OFFICIAL PLUS SIZED COSPLAY COSTUMES
Let’s face it, if you have ever visited Japan you would know that Cosplaying is a much bigger deal over there than it is over here.
The bad thing?
Even if those Japanese cosplayers aren’t all exactly Miss America (or Miss Japan I suppose) they are for the most part incredibly petit.
You know.
Thin.
It might be difficult to imagine a world of thin semi-attractive cosplayers, but they exist, in Japan. Maybe they are more attractive simply because they don’t have rolls of fat bulging from virtually every section of their body which allows such bulging to occur. It’s not my place to analyze, I am not a doctor, I am simply not familiar with the medical marvels of the supremely obese. But there comes a time where our American market begins to feel the strain on the costume market both figuratively and literally. That’s when some company over there decides, “Hey you know what? If some fat 300 pound girl from America wants to be Tifa, why don’t we make a terribly oversized outfit for the cow? She’d be enamored with that fact that it’s ‘official goods’ and will gladly pay whatever we demand!” and that’s that.
It doesn’t end folks, it only gets worse from here. For those of you familiar with Japanese pop-tart Yuko Ogura, and most of you should be, you would know she’s basically the cover girl for the Japanese idol market. Her face is plastered more places than some other person whose face is plastered everywhere. If you are also one of those people who decided to download (or buy.. LOLZ!) her faptastic videos of her in swimsuits jumping around and being all bubbly and stupid, you might have also run across her music videos.
Yeah.
She sings terribly, but as any blind fanboy/fangirl would tell you, “You get used to it, then you start to like it” way to go… the Japanese Hivemind is starting to take them over. But that of course isn’t the point. If you’ve caught her Music Videos, you should be intimately aware of her dead stare. Not only is this stare the most unattractive thing an otherwise extremely attractive girl could do, it’s just really creepy.
Don’t believe me?
Then maybe you need number 9.
#9 STARE AND COMB YUKO OGURA VIDEO GAME
That’s her stare. It isn’t photoshopped. It’s just plain creepy.
Maybe her dead eyes are a turn on for you. Perhaps you are one of the thousands, nay millions of unattractive geeks who can’t get a date and are turned on by the generally submissive and naïve behavior of Japanese girls. There is a good chance, simply by visiting this site, you are considered one of the socially pathetic. You own a plethora of Hentai Manga and Anime, you only wish you could get more. More schoolgirls more ridiculously large breasts more panty shots and most importantly more tentacles.
You may already be familiar with Real Dolls.
You may already be familiar with the Japanese fascination with Real Dolls.
You are already fascinated with Tentacle Rape.
Why not combine it all?
It brings us to number eight.
#8 TENTACLE RAPE REAL DOLL
What else can I say? Those schoolgirls probably deserve it.
Part 1: The Top Ten List: Numbers 10-8
Part 2: The Top Ten List: Numbers 7-5
Part 3: The Top Ten List: Numbers 4-1
Part 4: The Top Ten List: Fanservice Downloads just for you!
