My night with J-pop Idols
If you’re a fan of the Hello! Project like I am, you probably had a moment where you thought to yourself how it would feel to spend the night with one of your favorite members. Maybe your dream night consists of bringing Rika Ishikawa out for a night on the town, only to cozy back at your place for a little loving. Maybe you want a wild time with Miki Fujimoto and the collection of whips and sadomasochistic gear she’s bound to have at home. Hell, maybe you even want to spend a night out with Kei Yasuda, though god knows why. You might even be in the minority and actually want to spend some time with producer Tsunku. I won’t judge you it’s okay.
Well if you’ve never been to Japan or just never visited Lamtarra or similar video/gaming/porn stores that dot Japan’s landscape, you’re missing out on kinky Hello! Project sex toys! Now you might be wondering to yourself “What kind of person stoops so low as to buy Hello! Project sex toys?” well the answer is me. I would buy it. You know why? It’s not because I’m cool, it’s because I’m desperate. If anyone else asks though, it’s because I’m cool.
Being such a huge Hello! Project fan, I simply could not give up the chance at such a unique and awe-inspiring souvenir that is Hello! Project sex toys. I’ve seen a lot, I’ve seen Love Machine era sex toys, and the incomparable Aya Matsuura blow up doll (Which I regret not having a camera on my persons to prove it exists) which was a little too expensive for my tastes. It was around 12500yen which is roughly $100 dollars more than I am willing to spend on pleasuring myself. I suppose the upside was that (considering that it costs that much) from what I could gather, the Aya Matsuura had some kind of battery operated massaging vagina action or something. Pretty hip.
While I could go on about it, I won’t. Maybe some other time. The focus here is about the item I bought.
Based on Gomattou.
You could imagine it was any of the three.
It could be Miki Fujimoto.
It could be Aya Matsuura.
It could even be Maki Goto.
Hell it could be all three if you wanted.
It was the one and only Komankou Vagina in a Can ™
It was just on the shelf, sitting there and staring at me, beckoning to me with their come hither looks and promises of a happy ending.
I should have known better though, for 400yen ($4) what else could I expect?
I’ll admit to you now, I’ve never bought a sex toy although I’ve always seen them on TV. I had no idea what to expect from Vagina in a Can ™, and I don’t think I was prepared for the horror. Sure once I got back to the hotel I opened the sucker up to see what was contained inside, and I regret not taking a picture of keeping the innards and maybe you will understand why.
It was the sloppiest most terrifying thing in the world. Inside the can contained a rubber vagina with a foam sponge surrounding it, I suppose, to give it the sense of realism. I should also explain that these aren’t supposed to be removed from the can, you have to fuck the can if you wanted to get the full effect of Komankou Vagina in a Can ™. For the most part, I suppose if you have the hots for a jar of peanut butter.. it can be somewhat bearable, but what wasn’t normal was the amount of slimy lubricant they filled it with.
The can was literally just oozing with ooze. It pretty much made me lose my lunch. Needless to say, I didn’t have sex with a can that night. I just sat there disappointed that my $4 would never be seen again, then I cried myself to sleep that night.
