What is Love?

This is a question that humanity and, most notably, Ai Otsuka have sought to answer for many years.

She came up with musically excellent answers on two previous occasions, but both were later found to incorrect.

The first was too violent and the second was inappropriate for children and passing motorists. These could not be love.

Now, Otsuka, on her third try, has found the truth.

Love is a soup.

Furthermore, the new album, Love Cook, gives detailed instructions on how to make it.

I haven't tried it yet, since I don't much like soup, but you might, so I have translated and summarized the recipe to the best of my abilities. Those abilities are limited to reading the track titles, but that should be enough, I think.

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Love:

1. Look at the clock. If it is 5:09 AM, continue. If not, wait until tomorrow.

2. Look up "haneari" in your dictionary. Mine didn't have it. Put some eggs in a bowl.

3. Add marbles.

4. Smile. Or maybe arrange the marbles and eggs to look like a smile. I don't know.

5. Move your kitchen into a U-boat. This will likely take a long time and thousands of dollars, but love requires sacrifice. Perhaps you can find a U-boat on eBay.

6. Skin one cat. There is more than one way to do this, but be sure that the way you choose allows it to be turned into a balloon afterwards. Now do that. Sew the cat skin back together very carefully so that it becomes completely air-tight. Then fill it with air and put it in your bowl with the eggs and marbles.

7. Be sure to cherish this horrible procedure. You'll laugh about it later.

8. Add ramen. I assume this goes on top the cat balloon. Begin cooking. Probably a good idea to stir.

9. Go to Tokyo in your U-boat and arrive at exactly midnight. Japan and Germany were allies during the second world war, but I doubt this will help you much now. Maybe if you stay very very deep under water, you won't be seen and arrested or shot. Pray that your U-boat is still underseaworthy and above all, remember that you are doing this for love, which some poets and philosophers have said is the most important thing EVER. Find as safe a place as you can and surface. Do it slowly. Your ears may hurt now.

10. Carry your hot bowl of love to the Gotoh Planetarium and Astronomical Museum. I can't give you directions, but if you wander around Tokyo for a while, you'll find it. Tokyo is the largest city in Japan, but it is much smaller than the Sun. Don't you feel better now? Also, bring oven mitts.

11. In the planetarium, find someone whose birthday is today. Make sure they understand that you mean the day that has just started and not the day that ended when you arrived in your U-boat. Now kill them and add them to the soup.

12. Let the soup cool for 30 minutes. Serve. Those who eat your love should now hear music. If they don't, go to step #1 and try again. If your second love also fails, find a better translator. I may have made a few minor errors in interpreting Otsuka's original message.