Taliban on the Tali-RUN

As we look back into our past dated prior to today, we see with perfect hindsight the world we once lived in.

Gone are the days the Taliban ruled the high seas, gone are the days Osama something or other was a threat.

Today we look back at an article originally published in the New York Times on November 26, 2001 to see exactly where the world thought we were and where we would be.

(Afghanistan) In recent weeks American bombing has taken a significant portion of land away from Al Queda and Taliban forces. The bombings provide major "Land Denial" to supporters of the Taliban, forcing the opposition forces into various caves, nooks, and crannies.

Over the weekend it was reported that Northern Alliance forces have taken the major city of Apu Shamu Nabsareefashareef away from Taliban forces. The Northern Alliance head commander Hareef Shambatumabuto had this to say about the recent aquisition of land. "We feel it is imperitive America continues to bomb Taliban controled regions, it makes it easier for us to take control of the area once everyone is dead. It isn't because we are bad at fighting, but because we ran out of ammunition a while ago and have resorted to nunchucks"

The Northern Alliance leader, Hareef Shambatumabuto

As Mr. Shambatumabuto showed off his pair of nunchucks to the press he was greeted with great applause from his fellow comrades. One of those comrades, Hadji Ogrosaninan had nothing but praise for his leader. "He leads us well, in fact recently I was promoted from lowly General to Special tiger-print Forces" Ogrosaninan lifts his tiger-print underwear slightly to show off his new regalia then continues "In the Taliban, I would be lucky to get a bedsheet to wear.. let alone this fine camouflage gear I have been presented"

The Northern Alliance Special tiger-print Forces, Hadji Ogrosaninan

You may think that the Northern Alliance compared to the Taliban is outfitted with out-of-date gear, but as many Taliban supporters will prove, you are wrong. In a recent undercover investigation in Taliban heavily controled areas we uncovered the shocking truth. The Taliban are bluffing scum. During the weekly Taliban party known as "Sepventh" which celebrates the falling of the Twin Towers, the Partial collapse of the Pentagon, and the losing streak of the Taliban following those events we got to speak with Osama Bin Laden.

During the party Osama seemed like a normal gentlemen with comments like "Mmm.. this cake is good, where did you get it Istiak? It's simply scrumptious!" However when the subject of discussion was changed to that of American affairs there was a noticable change in Mr. Bin Ladens demeanor... mostly in the fact that the wet stain on his pants was growing. "Uggh.. by the power of Allah.. can we stop mentioning them? This was my good pair of Calvin Kleins too"

Osama Bin Laden wetting his pants near top-aide Shapuko Jihasheesh

Continuing our undercover interview we asked Mr. Bin Laden to show us his top Al Queida troops. To which he politely obliged "Ooh.. you are taking great interest to my troops, let me show you my most deadly of all" between bites of the cake he continues "they are right down this hallway.. let me show you what very few Americans will see and live." As he opened the doorway there was one soldier standing in complete attention with fists clenched. "This is my top soldier, I call him Robocop.." Bin Laden continues "doesnt he look a lot like Robocop?" I hold in my laughter and politely agree with the crazy dictator while snapping a photo.

Osama Bin Ladens ROBOCOP

So will America win the war? Will we bring peace to Afghanistan? Will we ever find a way to defeat Bin Ladens "Robocop"? Only time will tell.. if that damned C4 I planted in Osama Bin Ladens camel will explode.