The American Otaku

If any of you guys know one of those people who like Japan a little too much, pull up a chair and get that person in the room, it’s about time for a rude awakening. You know they are weird, they think they are being cutting edge, you think they are being a little too obsessed, they think they should really take that Japanese course next semester.

First let’s explore what an otaku is, in the traditional Japanese sense, and then we’ll talk a little bit about what can be done to shake these idiots out of their stupor and bring them back down to reality. We’ve already covered the types of Otaku in our past article, so I don’t think we really need to beat down that path again. Think of this as more of an intervention, Otaku Anonymous.

The word Otaku comes from the Japanese word meaning “anothers house” or “anothers family” and traces its modern slang term from humorist Akio Nakamori in the 1983 series “Otaku no Kenkyu” or “An Investigation of Otaku.” The term Otaku, as it is known today, is used to describe a loner obsessed with a specific theme, topic, or hobby. Generally though, it is used to describe the type or person who enjoys Anime, Comics, Video Games and any merchandise based on the aforementioned forms of entertainment.

The term really caught fire in 1989 when the media had caught serial killer Tsutomu Miyazaki who lived out his rape fantasies on young unsuspecting girls. It was discovered he was a loner obsessed with pornographic anime and manga, and police suspected he found his muse within the pages of that sordid material; they dubbed him the Otaku Killer and with it attached the notorious image of a creepy or crazed malcontent for social life.

I have to clarify something though, although many of us are collectors, it takes a very specific person to be an Otaku. Remember, as with any social tags, it’s not how you perceive yourself but rather what the general public decides to label you and your obsessions. Many of us may have strong obsessions, and many of us may spend a decent amount of money pursuing our hobbies, but not all of us would be considered Otaku.

One of the biggest indicators is how much time you spend pursuing your hobby. Do you frequent conventions? Do you feel like an outcast? Do you feel like no one understands you? Do you decide to drown your sorrows into your hobby? Does your personal grooming, fashion, or lifestyle suffer because of the amount of money you want to be able to devote to your hobby? If you answered yes to any of those questions, you just might be an Otaku.

Easy, one of the first steps is to admit being the scum of the Earth. It might be your life, and you may think you’re happy leading it, but you know you aren’t. No one wants to be alone and miserable, yes for all intents and purposes you probably are ugly, but the true reason you don’t have any friends is because you don’t have a good personality. Instead of drowning your sorrows in fantasy, maybe you should try to be more sociable.

Moving to Japan and becoming a teacher via the JET program will not help either; everyone in that program is a fucking Otaku just like you. They just wanted to go to Japan for miserable wages because they felt outcast by American culture, and they would move to a country that finds their race a hilarious curiosity in order to be happy. Do you really want to go to Japan just to be known as that weird unsociable white guy/girl? No you aren’t cool. The Japanese are really nice people, they will not call you a weirdo to your face, not as long as you control their grading.

I dare you to find me a well-adjusted, moderately handsome looking, sociable, non-Asian girl obsessed JET teacher.

I think a conversation I recently had with a friend will best sum up my thoughts on Anime Fatties.

Jeff: Why do the most irritating people try to act cute? I bet its because they know they are fat ugly beasts in real life and wish they werent

James: Fat ugly beast...lol

Jeff: I mean you know.. check out like 90% of the girls from [Anime/Japanese] forums

James: yeah it's pretty gross, usually rings true with female japanophiles IRL too...at least in my area. Fat, overweight and ugly bitches trying to be all japanese

Jeff: The ones who want the most attention for being cute.. are usually the ugliest most vile looking she-beasts I've ever seen… it’s like the girl who walk into class 40 minutes late.. whose incredibly fat.. looking justified for being late while snacking on a cake or something. Everyone just stares and she thinks it’s because she's hot

James: You know what's funny? I see fat girls around here quite often...and Washington is supposedly one of the fittest states according to some surveys. Makes me wonder how it would be if I lived in Houston

Jeff: It is gross.. i swear to god. If I can't stand something.. its fat girls trying to act cute. FINE.. we get it.. you think you're cute.. BUT YOU'RE NOT.. you know why? You're like 30 pounds overweight.. you've got rolls hanging out of everywhere and you can't fit into any attractive clothing that isn't made by a tablecloth company

James: lol… yeah that turns me off...fat girls that think they can dress in sexy clothing that shit dont come in XXXXL.

Jeff: There is a reason that no atheletes and no dancers.. or anything that requires being healthy are super fucking fat because it's not healthy! Go ahead be fat and be proud, I don't give a shit.. just don't think you're sexy or CUTE or JAPANESE KAWAII LOLZ

James: It annoys me when fat people are fine with being FAT...rather than making an effort to lose weight “It's mah body, I do what I want!"

Jeff: The minute any of those fatasses go to Tokyo.. every single Japanese person will look down on them.. not only for being a FAT DISGUSTING BEAST with a pimple marked face and yellowing teeth.. but also for being a DISGUSTING OTAKU. The average Japanese girl weighs like what maybe 90 pounds, while the average American fangirl weighs at least double that.

James: lol

Jeff: it's NOT cute that you're FOUR TIMES the size of a Japanese girl and you're saying KAWAII in a pastry shop, its ALSO not cute you bought 5 pieces of pastry.. for YOURSELF TO EAT IN ONE SITTING because everyone else in the shop only bought ONE.

James: kawaii= most overused word among fat japanophiles saying random japanese words does NOT make someone japanese many people do not seem to understand this simple fact.

Jeff: Hello Kitty? Kawaii yes its true but a FAT GIRL WITH 29 CHINS, 17 ROLLS, arm fat oozing everywhere and almost covering her elbow dimples... 300 bursted pimple marks... buck teeth... forehead acne.. frizzled hair tied into pigtails... glasses... saying KAWAII.. NOT CUTE

James: indeed

Jeff: OMOI

Before you shit yourself for me being such a brutally honest prick, think about the last time you had a mass of lard bouncing at you shrieking in a high-pitched voice calling you Bobby-kun or some shit. NASTY.

They have problems too. They are like every other country in the world, but through your geek-ass rose-tinted glasses you’d never see it until you’re there. Learn to appreciate what you have in America, like a McDonalds at every corner and clothes that can fit you. Yes I do love Japan, and I do think it has many good aspects, but I’m also lucky that I’m Asian and can fit in better. The Japanese business world is very racist, and only the top self-made white men have any respect over there, if you go over there as an average Joe with dreams of making it in their world, forget it.

Fuck whoever of you really loves Japanese or Asian girls. Everyone is allowed to have preferences, but you really need to keep that trash to yourselves, else wind up looking like a superficial asshole. If you’re a white guy with a younger sister, you really want some black guy being like “I really like young white pussy!” while staring at your sister? I think not, and that’s exactly what every asian guy is thinking when you talk about liking asian girls. Learn to be more respectful to asian girls for Christ sake, fucking assholes.

Wake up. Look at things more logically and be honest with yourself, if you are a social outcast here you are a social outcast anywhere. There is no country or race that loves people who stays indoors, plays video games, watches pornos daily, is awkward in social settings, or who doesn’t groom or bathe themselves regularly. There is no way around it, if you are a geek here you are a geek there, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to realize this and try to counteract your own otaku-ness. If you can achieve this, then go ahead an enjoy yourself in Japan, I assure you that you will have a better time when you realize that your hobby is something you should do, and not something that should control you.